Sheila's Joke Page
NEWS - New sex drug on the market -
50% Viagra and 50% Prozac
It's fantastic.
If you don't get a f***
You don't give a f***
Did you know that eagles mate for life?
Well one day Harry the eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his
darling of 10 glorious years. After a while when she didn't return he went
looking and found her. She had been shot. Dead! Harry was devastated, but
after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself
another mate but since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to
cross the feather barrier.
So he flew off to find a new mate. He found a lovely dove and
brought her back to the nest. The sex was good but all the dove would say is
'I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!'
Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of the
nest and flew off once more to find a mate He soon found a very sexy loon
and brought her back to the nest. Again the sex was good but all the loon
would say is, 'I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!'
So out with the loon. Once more he flew off to find a mate. This
time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest. This
time the sex was great, but all the duck would say was.....
No, the duck didn't say THAT!!!!
... Don't be SO disgusting. !
The duck said,
'I am a DRAKE , you've made a MISTAKE !!!!!!!!!!
Man is stopped by cops for speeding at 120mph.
Policeman asks "Can you give me a reason for your speeding?"
Man replied "Yes, two months ago my wife ran off with a traffic cop
and I thought it was you trying to catch me, so you could give her back!"
Groom on stag night says to his mate
" I'm wearing a kilt tomorrow at my wedding."
Mate asks "What's the Tartan?"
Groom replies "Oh, she'll be in white!"
Simon goes on to 'Stars in their Eyes'
Mathew Kelly notices he's in a wheelchair.
He asks "What happened?"
"I was in a car crash with my uncle,
he died and I had my legs amputated.
But they saved my uncles
legs and grafted them on to me.
In six months time I will be able to walk again.
"That's amazing" says Mathew.
"Now who are you going to be tonight?"
"Tonight Mathew I'm going to be......
(Wait for it)
Simon and Halfuncle!